A place where moms, dads and also educators can look through a new window at the challenges children face today.
This past week has been one of those weeks where life decided what my “To-do” list would be. It was so frustrating because I already had so many things on my list, and they all got pushed to the side because of some raging “fires” at work that I had to put out (fires I of course DIDN’T start). In the process of dealing with these fires and trying to get to the items on my To-do list, my being a mother got pushed out the door. I have basically been gone for the past three days, and when I got home last night my fifteen-year-old, Trevon, was out-of-sorts. I realized that I hadn’t had any time for him over the past few days, and that he had been cooped up in the house since he couldn’t drive, and no one else had been around to drive him. I also got a letter from his school which reminded me that I needed to contact them about changes that needed to be made for his schooling in the fall. And then my mental list of all the other “mother” responsibilities I needed to take care of reared its screaming head. This triggered the feelings that I have had to fight over the past 27 years of being a mother—First, the guilt of having to work and not being at home as much as I want. Next, the stress of juggling so many balls in life. Then, being overwhelmed because there is so much to do and feeling that instead of doing a fantastic job at anything, I am doing a mediocre job at everything. Being the mom of 5 and having had two or more jobs at a time during the past 27 years of parenting, has been challenging at best.
So last night, I had to give myself the same talk that I have given myself over the years whenever I sink into one of my “overwhelmed and bummed pit holes”. First of all, I remind myself to be realistic while keeping things in balance. In other words, because of reality, there are times that work and other factors take me away from home and from my kids. I need to assess and see which of those things I can minimize, and which I just have to deal with. Next, I need to make sure that I balance work with home. I try to do that on a daily basis, but when I can’t, I have to make it up it other ways. So this week, since I was an absentee mother for the first part of the week, I am going to spend extra time today and tomorrow being “Mom”. I am also setting aside Saturday to focus on home and family—especially making sure we do some fun family activities. I also remind myself that I seldom get to EVERYTHING on the list, so I need to ensure that the things I do get to—are those that are most important in the long run—like spending enjoyable time with my family. I also have to sometimes force myself to spend time refueling and remembering to put myself on my “To-do list”. And the last thing I remind myself is—to “Let the stress go and kick my shoes off and have some fun with my family.” The To-do list will still be there tomorrow, but I only get a one-time shot at being a mom—and I plan on enjoying it.
Yesterday I was sitting behind a family that had two boys—around age 11 and 5. The boys were talking tacky to each other, but their father said nothing and allowed their disrespect. A short time later, whenever the dad wasn’t looking, the eleven-year-old would do a “raspberry” to his little brother who would respond by hitting him. This went on six or seven times with the dad being oblivious—even though he was sitting right next to them. Finally, the little boy hit his brother really hard, and the dad saw it out of the corner of his eye. As soon as the older brother realized that his dad had noticed his being hit, he acted hurt and “milked it for all it was worth”. The dad didn’t even ask what was going on. Instead, he grabbed the younger boy by the shirt collar and reprimanded him. He didn’t allow any explanation from the young boy. As you can imagine, the older brother got quite a kick out of this since he had provoked his brother and gotten away with it.
Unfortunately, the father in this situation was doing a good job of reinforcing sibling conflict in his family. There were several RARE parenting tools that he failed to use. First of all, he allowed them to talk disrespectfully to each other. Then, he failed to tune-in to what was going on with his sons fighting. Next, when he finally saw that something was happening, he intervened, and without doing any clarifying he punished the son he caught misbehaving. And the last problem was that he failed to have his sons replace their negative interactions with positive ones. You can bet that as soon as the younger boy got with his older brother again, that he tried to retaliate for the earlier incident.
So, to strengthen sibling harmony—1) require your children to be respectful to each other; 2) stay tuned-in to their interactions; 3) clarify when there is conflict—get both sides of the story; 4) give them the skills and knowledge to replace negative interactions with positive ones. A popular parenting notion is to stay out of your children’s conflicts. This is only true if they have the skills and desire for conflict resolution. Kids aren’t born with these skills—they need to be taught them by you.
Not long ago, my two-year-old grand daughter, Tayana, went to a friend’s birthday party at a “Fun Center”. Although there were a variety of rides and games for the kids, the birthday girl, “Sara” was enthralled with the play area. While Sara’s dad watched her play, her mom got in line for a ride that looked fun. When she was close to the front of the line, she told her husband to bring Sarah over. However, Sarah was enjoying herself in the play area and didn’t want to leave. Her Dad relayed this to her mom, who told him to bring Sara over anyway because she (mom) had been waiting in line for a long time. He went to pick Sara up, and she started throwing a fit because she wasn’t through playing. Her mom saw this, but blew it off, and hollered for her husband to bring Sara over to the ride because it was her turn. As Sara’s mom, placed her upset, crying child on the ride, she was frustrated with how Sara was acting.
The problem in this situation was that Sara’s mom failed to do a “Prime Directive Check”. A prime directive is the “purpose” or what is most important. Because it was Sara’s birthday party, it should be safe to assume that the prime directive for that evening, would be for Sarah to have fun and enjoy herself. It is true that her mom had waited in line for a long time. However, Sarah had not asked her mom to wait in line for a long time. In fact, she didn’t even ask her to get in line in the first place. If it was Sara’s birthday, and she was enjoying her time in the play area, then her mom could have met the prime directive of the evening by tuning in to Sara’s signals, and allowing her to continue enjoying what she was doing. To have further met the prime directive, she could have gone over and enjoyed playing with Sara, adding to the pleasant memories of her birthday.
Whenever you find yourself frustrated with your child, or in conflict with your child’s desires, do a Prime Directive check. It can serve as a great guide in regard to knowing when you need to require your child to do something, and when you should let him/her follow their own agenda—as long as it meets the “no-hurt” rule (doesn’t hurt them or someone else physically or emotionally). Sometimes as parents, we get so focused on what we want, that we loose sight of what is most important at the moment. Doing a Prime Directive check can save you a lot of misery, and bring you many more enjoyable moments.
Sometimes, as parents, we, “Set ourselves up,” for stress, and our child’s unwanted behavior. Consider the following scenario: Several weeks ago, my two-year-old granddaughter, Tayana, went to a friend’s 3rd birthday party. The kids were filled with excitement in anticipation of the party. And one by one, they bounced into the restaurant—ready for fun and games. This is when “set up” number one occurred—the dinner portion of the party was at Chili’s Restaurant—an unrealistic choice since the toddlers would be expected to sit quietly for an hour and a half.
The second “set up” occurred when the youngsters were herded to the table and placed in their chairs. The birthday girl’s mom had wanted the table to look festive, so she had thrown candy all over it, and placed a bag of candy in front of each child’s place. Of course, when the kids sat down and saw the candy, they excitedly grabbed it and started ripping off the wrappers. Just as quickly, the mom told them they needed to wait until after they ate. Then she took the candy out of each child’s hand—triggering one child after another into tears.
The birthday party—that should have been a fun-filled time for the kids, ended up being stressful and un-enjoyable for both the kids and the parents. This could have been avoided if the mom had used the RARE tool— Don’t “set yourself up”. You set yourself up for stress and unwanted behavior when: 1) you don’t anticipate expectable behavior—and plan accordingly; and 2) you don’t keep in mind what the “prime directive” (or the point) is. In this situation, the mom needed to have taken into consideration that toddlers (or most any children for that matter) just want to have fun at a birthday party. They want to be able to run around, blow the birthday blowers, and play. The party needed to have been somewhere that would have allowed for this. Secondly, it was insane to put candy in front of the toddlers, and then tell them they couldn’t eat it. If the mom had wanted the table to look festive, she could have decorated it with party favors that the kids could play with. And if she wanted to give them treat bags, she should have saved them for the end of the party. If the mom had stopped to ask herself, “What is the prime directive (or point) of this party?” hopefully, she would have answered, “For my child to have a fun birthday and create a great memory.” By putting this prime directive in the forefront of her mind, she would have selected a child-friendly place to have fun, and she would have offered enjoyable activities for the hour and a half, rather than expecting the kids to sit quietly in their chairs while they waited for their food and ate. Taking the time to make sure you Don’t “set yourself up” is time well spent—and well worth the effort.
Are the benefits of getting your child to pay a little more attention, or fidget a little less worth the risk of causing his or her sudden death? Recent news articles reference the results of a study that found that children taking ADHD stimulants were seven times more likely to die than children who were not taking the drugs. However, sudden death is only the tip of the iceberg where ADHD medication is concerned. The well known side effects of ADHD stimulants are insomnia, loss of appetite, and decreased growth. However, the less know side effects do include increased heart rate and blood pressure—which can lead to sudden death; psychotic-like symptoms including bizarre behavior, hallucinations, delusions, depression, and/or suicidal thinking; intense/irrational anger; tics; seizures; and/or aggressive or violent behavior. The FDA issued warnings stating that Strattera, a non-stimulant drug, can cause liver damage leading to the need for a liver transplant, or death. The side effects of many ADHD medications are so concerning that Cardiologist Steven Nissen, consultant to the FDA’s advisory committee, endorsed a black-box warning on ADHD medications. He stated, “I want to cause people’s hands to tremble a bit before they write that prescription.”
Not every child appears to experience extreme side effects of ADHD medication. However, for some it is only a matter of time before they occur. And even if side effects aren’t apparent, it doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t occurring. Children whose ADHD medications caused organ damage, didn’t show symptoms until the damage was already done.
In response to these news articles, I believe we need to ask some pointed questions: “Are the drug proponents who say that the benefits of ADHD medication outweigh the risks, just ignoring the risks? Are they also ignoring the fact that studies show that 30% of children with ADHD cannot tolerate taking stimulant medications, and as many as 45% don’t experience sustained improvement from ADHD medication? Are they not aware that even if a child shows some improvement, the side effects of the medications can be more concerning than the ADHD symptoms?”
I do not ask these questions ignorantly. Nor am I ignorant of the plight of children with ADHD, or the misery it can cause them and their families. My own 5 children have ADHD—one severely. As many of you know, I’m also the director of Success Pointe ADHD Learning Center where we work with kids every day who have ADHD. Whether I am at home or at work, I am surrounded by ADHD. I am also surrounded by children who have experienced some of the negative side effects of ADHD medication.” One case in point is Ben, who was an 8-year-old student at my Center.
Before enrolling at Success Pointe, he had difficulty paying attention, so his doctor prescribed an ADHD medication. He soon began experiencing the side effects of sleep deprivation and decreased appetite, and emotional disturbances. So he was given sleeping medications, along with an adult anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication. When he didn’t improve, he was given an anti-psychotic. Soon, he began to have bizarre behavior—hysteria, head banging, chair tossing, and saying he wanted to die. Of the all the drugs he was taking, only the ADHD medication was actually approved for use in children—even though it carried a black box warning (the highest FDA warning a drug can receive and still be prescribed). Fortunately, after just a few weeks in our program and participation in my non-drug approach, Ben was able to get off his medications, be free of their side effects, and experience progress and success. Ben’s mother put him on medications because her doctor recommended it. That is because medication is the “standard” front-line treatment for ADHD. I personally experienced this when my son, Reis, was only six-months-old. His pediatrician told me that Reis most likely had ADHD and would need to be on Ritalin when he was older.
That was the first of many times I was told that a drug was the answer for my child’s ADHD. Not once, did any professional offer me any other option. However, after researching the side effects of ADHD medications, I realized that it was not the route I wanted to go with my children. So I took a two-year sabbatical from teaching college education courses in 2001 and devoted that time to doing extensive ADHD research. That was 8 years ago, and my research hasn’t stopped.
I am never critical of parents who have their child on ADHD medication. If they aren’t aware that there are other options, then they see medication as the only way for their child (and those around him) to survive. However, I believe these parents need to be given all of the information regarding ADHD in order to make an informed decision regarding their child’s treatment. Not only do they need to be made clearly aware of the side-effects of ADHD medications, but they also need to know that ADHD meds can actually mask the causes of ADHD.” Dr. Mary Ann Block states, “Many children with symptoms of ADHD have health issues that caused the symptoms. Giving the child a drug only masks the symptoms which can lead to a health issue going undetected and untreated, and can lead to complications beyond the ADHD.” Parents also need to know that addressing the causes of the ADHD characteristics can reduce, if not eliminate them. They also need to be aware that there are options, other than medication that their doctor may not be aware of, or may not feel a need to make known. Parents also must understand that the promotion of medication as the treatment of choice for ADHD is big business.” Our country’s annual ADHD prescription market is worth over 2-billion dollars. According to the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration the number of prescriptions for ADHD stimulant medication has increased 500 percent since 1991. And although ADHD medication is not recommended for children under age 6, approximately 30,000 2-year olds are prescribed Ritalin today! Child neurologist, Dr. Fred Baughman, sees ADHD as the “greatest health care fraud of modern times.” Drug companies spend more money each year on advertising than they spend on research. Parents, is this getting your attention?
A recent federal study revealed the lack of long-term effectiveness of ADHD medication. The lead scientist in the study, Psychologist William Pelham, stated, “If 5 percent of families in the country are giving a medication to their children, and they don’t realize it does not have long-term benefits but might have long-term risks, why should they not be told?” Not surprisingly, the answer is tied to money. Even CHADD, the national support group for ADHD, has monetary ties to the drug companies. Although the organization claims to provide “science-based, evidence-based information about ADHD”, critics say CHADD basically promotes stimulant medications. In 2002, pharmaceutical companies donated a total of $674,000 to CHADD. Due to the fact that CHADD’s members rely it for guidance in regard to the treatment of their children’s ADHD, the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency has concerns that the depth of the financial relationship with the manufacturer is not well-known by the public. Other organizations that have financial ties to the pharmaceutical industry include the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry.
The bottom line is that parents must be better informed about the facts and dangers surrounding ADHD medication. They should also be made aware of the other options available that don’t have side effects and can help a child who has ADHD find success and joy in life. In other words, parents should be made aware that the belief that, “The benefits of ADHD medication outweigh the risks,” is highly questionable.
Yesterday was Mother’s Day—a day when mothers take a look at their life as a parent. For some, it is all sweetness, for other’s there can be sadness and pain. This is especially true if their child has challenges such as ADHD, bi-polar disorder, and/or oppositional defiance disorder. If your child has conditions such as these, you may experience feelings of sadness, disappointment, frustration, despair, depression, and even resentment and anger.
It can be especially difficult if you have friends or relatives who have a child who is the same age as yours— and is doing terrific. I can remember when friends of ours, whose son was the same age as our son announced how proud they were of him. They beamed when they told us that he had received several scholarships, awards, and honors, and had already gotten credit for two years of college before he even graduated from High School. Then they asked about our son, I answered, “Well, we’re thrilled—we just found out that he is actually going to graduate. Thanks for asking.”
As the mother of children with ADHD, I have learned that you can not compare your child to any other child, to siblings, or to how you were at that age. Doing so will only drive you crazy, and fill you with frequent disappointment. In addition, if your child lacks the abilities and strengths that you wished he had, you can be at risk of being blind to the abilities and strengths he does have. So acknowledge his abilities and talents, and help him make the most of them. Keep in mind that not all abilities are in the form of “trophy talents” which can be performed on the stage or athletic court, or that can receive an award or trophy. Your child might have a big heart, be creative, be a good cook, or have a unique way of figuring things out. These abilities should receive just as much acknowledgement and celebration as trophy talents.
When your child was born, you may have had high expectations for his future. However, when you realize that those expectations are not likely to become a reality, you may go through some mourning. If this occurs, it is important to deal with these emotions, and accept the fact that although your child may not have the future and/or accomplishments you had originally planned, it doesn’t mean that he won’t be able to accomplish great things in his life, or have a bright future. You may need to have some paradigm shifts in regard to what success is. That is why my definition of success is:
“Developing the skills and traits that lead to progress, fulfillment, peace, and joy in life.”
Accepting the reality of your child’s challenges, means accepting the fact that his success in life may travel down an unlikely road. But it can reach a meaningful destination, and be a great adventure—if you teach him to make the most of his life, and triumph over his challenges.
In addition to accepting your child’s individuality, and not letting his challenges eclipse his abilities, also express appreciation to him on a regular basis. Thank him for the good things he does, even if they seem minor—such as the fact that he picked up his clothes off the bathroom floor without being reminded, or didn’t throttle his brother when he made him mad. There are several benefits to showing appreciation. One is that it lets your child know that you aren’t blind to what is going well. This is important because when you have a child with challenges, it can become far too easy to focus on his negative behaviors. This can lead to the bulk of your interaction with him being your scolding, nagging, or lecturing him. Not only does this put a negative twist on your relationship, it also creates a negative cloud that covers the atmosphere of your home. When you show appreciation, it helps dissipate that negativity. It also reminds your child, and you, that there are positive things to focus on. In addition, your appreciation can help reinforce his positive behavior. One of the most powerful benefits of expressing appreciation to your child is that it can do wonders for your soul. If you have been frustrated, resentful, or angry with your child, expressing words of appreciation can act as a “spring rain” that washes away the dreariness and depression of those feelings. So take some time today to think of the good things about your child—and share it with him—you’ll both feel a little brighter.
Not long ago I was at a restaurant where I heard some mothers discussing their frustrations over their young sons being bullied. They had talked to the principal, who in turn, talked to the boys, but the bullying had continued. At this point the parents of the bullies needed to be brought in, and the bullies also needed some outside guidance. It was also evident that the boys who were being bullied needed to be taught skill # 2 of bully-proofing—how to deflect tauntings (tool number one was addressed in my last blog).
Two of my children had incidents where they had to apply the tool of deflecting tauntings. When my son, Reis, was in middle school, another student, “Pete”, would consistently harass him, try to embarrass him in front of other students, and keep taunting him to get into a fight. When Reis first told me about what was happening, I had to remind myself to do two important things: 1) tune-in to what Reis was saying and feeling; and 2) rehearse with him the skills he will need to use to deal with the situation. To make sure I was tuned-in, I stopped what I was doing and focused on him. To do the next step, every morning I would remind Reis how he was going to handle the situation. He would tell me that the next time Pete got in his face, he was just going to “let him have it”. I would then remind him that if he did, he would likely get suspended and that nothing would happen to Pete—and that would let Pete win. I said that instead, he could stand up for himself by not letting what Pete said “push his buttons”. He could either walk away, make a joke of what Pete was saying, or ask him if he wanted some attention. Although it took some energy, every day, for weeks, Reis did this. Eventually, Pete was suspended for multiple infractions and was sent to a juvenile facility. When that occurred, I pointed out to Reis that he had stood his ground and didn’t let Pete get the best of him—and now look where Pete was and look where he was.
In another situation, my daughter, Kalysa, kept having a girl from one of her classes come up to her and tell her that she was going to beat her up. Kalysa didn’t even know this girl, other than seeing her in her class. So one day following another threat, Kalysa approached the girl and asked her what she had done to make her so mad. The girl replied, “You and your friend just think you are so hot.” Kalysa asked what she had done to make the girl think that, and the girl just said that she didn’t like Kalysa’s expressions. Kalysa told her that she certainly didn’t mean to be sending any negative messages, and didn’t intend to offend her. The girl could tell that Kalysa was sincere and backed off (however, she did turn her aggression towards some other girls).
The point here is that neither Reis nor Kalysa would have been able to deal with these situations if they had not received the skills, guidance, and encouragement to do so. We can help our kids deflect tauntings by helping them have a strong self-esteem, and then when someone taunts them they can deflect it through any, or all of the following: 1) using humor; asking the other person what they need; 3) not letting what is said push their buttons; and 4) finding out from the other person if they have done anything to upset them.
We can’t always be there to protect our kids from bullies. However, we can teach them to stand up for themselves by deflecting the tauntings, and when needed, to get help for situations they can’t resolve on their own.
I just finished doing a radio interview on teen violence. When the talk show host began the interview, it wasn’t surprising that he focused on the teen shootings at schools. While this is an unfortunate reality, it isn’t one that affects most children on a daily basis. School shootings are at the extreme of teen violence. However, teen/child violence includes any type of verbal and/or physical aggression or torment. It includes being bullied or taunted, or being a bully. Again, when the word, “bully” is heard, it generates typical paradigms of a child being pushed around on the playground, stuffed in his locker, having his lunch money stolen from him, and so forth. However, bullying doesn’t just occur at school. It can also be found at scout packs, on sports teams, in the neighborhood, and at home. And bullying at school doesn’t always come from a classmate. It can also come from teachers—especially in cases when the student doesn’t “fit in the box”. A child with ADHD is a common target of “teacher bullying”. Unfortunately, my own son experienced this many, many times. And I hear similar stories on a regular basis when parents of children with ADHD come to my ADHD Center either for consultations or to enroll their child in our full day program. Their stories are horrible.
On the other hand, there are far too many teachers that are harassed and tormented by students. And at home, there is a rapidly increasing trend of children being aggressive with parents and siblings. Not only this, but children are turning aggression towards themselves with self-mutilation, and self-degradation. Aggression and violence isn’t just limited to teens. Even children in preschool are being expelled for their aggression.
During my radio interview, one of the questions I was asked was what parents could do to decrease the likelihood of teen or child violence. Over the next few days, my blogs will look at various forms of teen/child violence and give parents tips to help minimize the likelihood of their child either being the victim or the aggressor.
Tip # 1—Teach Your Child to Deflate Antagonism
My oldest son, Brett, has red hair, and used to have a lot of freckles. When he was growing up, people would constantly make comments, or tease him about it. In the middle of his kindergarten year, we placed him in a private school. On the first day, the kids were sitting in “circle” when he arrived and joined the group. Right away, one of the kids said, in a disgusting voice, “Look, he has freckles all over his face.” At that moment, Brett’s teacher gave a response that I will forever hail as brilliant. She didn’t shush the boy, or say, “Don’t talk like that,” (indicating that having freckles was indeed a horrible thing that shouldn’t be spoken of). Instead, she replied, “He certainly does. I guess the sun really likes to kiss his face.” This caused all of the kids, including Brett, to laugh, and immediately, Brett was one of the group. This response helped fuel Brett’s “self-esteem tank” that we had started at home. We endeavored to help Brett know that his worth wasn’t based on the number of freckles he had, the color of his hair, or even if he had hair (which is a good thing since, at age 27, he’s running a little thin in that department).
When Brett was in middle-school, he was on a soccer team. During one particular game, a player on the opposing team, kept taunting Brett every time he ran past him. He would call him freckle face, and say, “freckles, freckles, freckles.” At one point, as he ran past, he glared at Brett and said, “You have a million freckles.” Rather than getting angry, or having hurt feelings, Brett grinned, and shot back with, “I sure do.” This took “the wind out of the sails” of the boy’s tormenting. He looked at Brett in surprise, and never said another word the rest of the game. I’m sure this wasn’t the only time that Brett had to deflate the air of antagonism or taunting. One of the most important things we can do for our kids is to help them have a self-esteem that is powerful enough to withstand and deflect the negative comments, tormenting, and rudeness of others.
Next Blog—Tip # 2—Teach Your Child to Deflect Tauntings.
The following are all true situations: An eight-year-old is still breastfeeding. A fourteen-year-old’s mother still sleeps in the teen’s room in case something “bad” happens during the night. A three-year-old is still being fed by his parents. A five-year-old is still drinking a bottle. A thirteen-year-old’s mother still picks her clothes out for her and some days even dresses her.
These are extreme examples of parents who are impeding their child’s ability to grow up and become competent and capable. Yet it isn’t uncommon for children to graduate from high school who haven’t been doing their own laundry, don’t know how to fix anything to eat that can’t be microwaved, don’t know how to look up a business in the phone book, have no clue how to balance a bank account, don’t know how to resolve an issue with a company that has over-charged them, wouldn’t know where to start to change a tire, don’t know that there is such a thing as doing price comparisons, don’t know how to write a resume, and so forth.
Our children may be adept at manipulating the computer, figuring out how to beat the next level on the video game, and how to talk Dad into buying them the new CD they want, but are they really prepared to enter the adult world, and be independent and successful? Research done by The Barna Group in 2004 showed that many Americans think not. Based on interviews with more than 1000 adults nationwide, the survey revealed that at least half or more of all adults contended that children are poorly prepared for adult life.
Americans weigh in on the categories listed below how well kids are being prepared for adult life. Column 1 percentages represent “well” and Column 2 “not very well”:
George Barna found it interesting that the majority of people who felt that children weren’t well-prepared, were the very people who have the responsibility to making that preparation a reality — the parents. Barna states, “The popular notion that ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ has become an accepted excuse for millions of parents to assign away the commitment for their child’s development.” Although there are a multitude of resources available to assist parents in preparing their children to enter the world, ultimately, it is not the responsibility of these “external” resources. It is the parents. Barna continues, “Rather than play victim and blame social institutions for inadequate performance of duties, families would be well-advised to rearrange their priorities and reclaim their commitment to preparing their children for life. Passing youngsters off to agencies ought to be a secondary option, not the primary means through which values, skills and perspectives are developed.”
If you would like more information on how to help your child be better prepared for the real world, contact me at jaydra@rarefamilies.com
Enjoy your family,
Jaydra
(The Barna Group, Ltd., conducts primary research, produces visual media and books, and facilitates the healthy development of leaders, children, families)
My life is one of ADHD. I have ADHD, my five children have varying degrees of ADHD, and I am the founder and director of a private school and center for children with ADHD and other emotional/behavioral challenges. I have seen the misery that can come from ADHD. I also have seen the stress of ADHD turned into success. Occasionally on my blog, I will be sharing some of my experiences with ADHD. My purpose is to give hope to parents of children with ADHD, teachers of students with ADHD, and individuals who have ADHD themselves.
Something important to understand about ADHD is that the well-known symptoms are inattention, difficulty staying on task, impulsivity, and forgetting things. However, in addition to these characteristics, there are over 90 other ADHD characteristics. The combination and intensity of these characteristics can vary greatly from person to person. I created a rating scale for these 90+ characteristics for parents, teachers, and individuals to rate each characteristic on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being not at all, and 10 being to a degree that it creates stress, frustration, and/or concern on a regular basis. This chart not only helps identify the ADHD characteristics of the child or adult, but it also helps determine whether or not the person has functional ADHD or problematic ADHD. A person with functional ADHD has a minimal amount of the ADHD characteristics, and those characteristics are mild — they wouldn’t rate over a 5 on the ADHD rating scale. However, there is another category of ADHD. If a person has many of the ADHD characteristics and/or the severity of those characteristics is between 7 and 10, he has problematic ADHD. Problematic ADHD creates just what its name suggests — a whole host of problems. A child with problematic ADHD will, on a regular basis, have feelings of frustration, discouragement, anger, depression, and hopelessness. He is at greater risk for frequent failure, getting in trouble, people being upset with him, social difficulties, having low-self esteem, engaging in risky behavior, having problems at school, and experiencing emotional and behavioral challenges. Problematic ADHD can cause havoc in the home, school, work, and the person’s entire life. Determining the ADHD characteristics that your child, student, or you have, and whether or not it is functional or problematic ADHD is the first step in taking control of the ADHD rather than letting it control your child’s life, or your own. I offer a free download of this scale on my website: www.theadhdexpert.com.
Hi, and welcome to my blog. I'm here to help with any parenting challenges you are facing. 